I'm only looking at you
by fearlessphine
Summary: Previously titled 'iShould Speak Now' on a different account / Not everyone is going to understand, but that doesn't change the way they feel. Spam. / This story started its life as a oneshot based on Taylor Swift's song 'Speak Now' and this is what it's become.
1. Never the same again

**Hello there lovelies :) **

This story was previously published on my old account under the title iShould Speak Now. I'm putting it up on my new account because I've always loved writing this characters, and I feel they have a beautiful story to tell. I'll start by uploading the first chapter or two, and see how people react.

Let me know what you think! xx

* * *

For my 17th birthday, Spencer said he would make me a cake. Since no-one trusted him not to set something on fire and since Carly and Freddie wanted to make out; I was given the job of Spencer-sitting.

He was working intently on the cake, while I sat on the kitchen island and watched. He had that look on his face, the one that meant he was determined. In this case, he was determined to prove us all wrong, and not set anything on fire.

I turned to look at Spencer's latest sculpture. It was a giant fridge, complete with smaller sculptures of numerous foods and beverages inside. My favourite part, however, was the door. Spencer had made copies of hundreds of photos and attached them to the door using colourful magnets.

The photos were fascinating. There were some of Carly and Spencer as babies, as well as numerous school pictures. There were family photographs, both professional and snapshots. Milestones in Carly and Spencer's lives. Not surprisingly, numerous photos of Freddie and I had found their way up there as well. Carly and I when we first met, the three of us after our first episode of iCarly. In Japan, at the Beauty Pageant, at psychotic Nora's house. Freddie and Carly after they became a couple. Random of the three of us, with Spencer and a few with Gibby.

My favourite was one of Spencer and I. At a birthday of Carly's, Freddie had decided to play photographer for the night. He'd come to Spencer and I as we were laughing hysterically; so in the photo of the two of us, Spencer's arm was around my shoulder and we had the happiest grins.

That signified the time in my life that Spencer shifted from being somewhat like an older brother to a best friend. And I definitely liked it better that way. I'd never really been ok with the idea of anyone looking after me, so Spencer as my best friend suited me much more.

I was brought back to reality by a splat and something wet landing on my neck. I turned and saw Spencer holding an electric mixer. His eyes met mine and widened in fear. Slowly, I wiped the mess of my neck; before tasting it (I'm Sam Puckett, there's no way I would EVER let any food go to waste). The cake tasted pretty amazing. With a smirk, I looked up at Spencer.

"You are SO dead Shay!"

Grabbing a handful of flour I lunged at him. He ducked, but not before I was able to cover his hair in flour. He threw some chocolate chips at me, followed by a handful of sugar. We were laughing hysterically. I picked up and egg and threw it hard. It landed with a crack and splat on his chest.

"Oh. Is that how you want to play Puckett?"

In one swift moment, he dumped the entire bowl of cake batter on my head.

Mouth open in shock, I charged at him; arms flailing. Spence caught me, and as I struggled he ended up cover in batter too. I turned to face him.

"I think we're going to need to make another cake," he said, and I chuckled.

Still in his arms, I gazed into his eyes. He met my gaze, before slowly leaning in.

I could feel his breath as I leaned towards him, our lips only centimeters apart. For a moment, I thought this was really going to happen; before we heard a crash and sprung apart.

We realized the bowl had fallen to the floor. Carly then appeared. Taking one look at us, and the mess we had created, she rolled her eyes.

"What happened here?" She sighed.

With a nervous glance at Spencer, I quickly replied, "Nothing."

She laughed.

"Try and get things back to normal would you?" Carly said, before disappearing upstairs again.

(I should've said that it could never be normal again.)


	2. It means everything

An awkwardness came over Spencer and I. It hung around for another month. Carly and Freddie didn't notice a thing.

Actually, ever since Carly and Freddie started going out, they haven't really noticed anything. At all. Surprisingly, Freddie and Carly going out didn't bother me as much as I thought it would. When the three of us were together, they made quite an effort not to be all over each other.

They started going out 7 months ago, and they were still very much in the 'honeymoon-phase' as Spencer would say. And while when we hung out in a group they were pretty good; when they were alone you wouldn't want to be around them. They were so sickly-sweet and lovey-dovey, something I'd never really known before. Despite how nauseating it could sometimes be, I was honestly happy for them. Carly was my best friend, and I really did want her to be happy.

So Carly and Freddie were oblivious to the tension that had fallen upon Spence and I. But I wasn't. I noticed. I noticed the fact that he no longer would sit and watch MMA with me or share that knowing look when Carly and Freddie were being all cutesy. I missed his company and most of all I missed his friendship. And it sucked. Really, really, sucked. The worst part was, I still spent most of my time at the Shay's loft, still spent most of that time alone with Spencer. I just didn't talk to him and he didn't talk to me. We had this weird silent agreement.

It was exactly one month after my birthday that I got fed up with it all. One little almost kiss was ruining one of the best friendships I had going.

Carly and Freddie had gone to the Groovy Smoothie. Spencer was sculpting and I was watching Girly Cow.

"Spencer. We need to talk," I demanded when the silence had become over whelming.

He sighed, but nodded.

"This is ridiculous," I began. "We're letting one little ting that didn't actually happen ruin our friendship."

"You're right. We've been making too much of a deal over this. I've missed spending time with you."

I smiled. "I've missed you too Spence."

I took a deep breath. "And it's not like it would have meant anything anyway."

For a split second I thought I saw a glimmer of something (disappointment? Sadness?) but when I looked again it was gone.

"Of course," He replied. "It meant absolutely nothing. Heat of the moment."

"Right. Nothing."

Without realizing, Spencer and I had moved closer together.

"Y-y-yeah. Nothing."

It was like we were trying to convince ourselves.

The next thing I knew, my lips met his and sparks were flying. I was standing on my toes (he was ridiculously tall) and I tangled one hand in his hair; pulling him closer to me. My other arm rested on his neck. One of Spencer's hands rested on my lower back, melding my body against his; holing me against him. His other hand was gently caressing my cheek. I had butterflies in my stomach and I couldn't stop smiling.

Then reality set it and we hurriedly broke apart.

Spencer blinked out of his daze, and I took a couple of calming breaths.

"See," I said unconvincingly. "Nothing."

"Yeah," he replied, just as unconvinced. "It meant nothing."

He returned to his sculpture and I went back to the TV.

(I should've said it meant everything.)


	3. Since He Kissed Me

Surprisingly, nothing was said for another few weeks and things seemed to return to normal. We talked, we laughed, and we hung out. I don't know about Spencer but the memory of his kiss lingered; haunting my thoughts and my dreams. It took a lot of effort to pretend that nothing had happened between Spencer and I. Somehow, we managed, and the occasional wistful smile was the only proof I had that it had been real.

Carly decided we needed to have a movie night, 'just like old times'. That made me laugh. Like anything could be the same as it was when we were twelve. Spencer and Freddie seemed to agree, sharing a knowing look. But we would all do pretty much anything for Carls, so we were in.

We pushed the couch back and set up the Shay's humungous mattress. When we were younger (and smaller) all four of us could fit, no problem. Now things were a little cosier. Of course, I ended up next to Spencer; with the order going Freddie, Carly, me then Spencer.

Carly quickly settled herself leaning into Freddie, who was leaning against the couch. Spence was sitting cross-legged and I was lying flat on my stomach.

Our tradition at these events had always been that we would each pick a movie. Carly always picked first, because she always fell asleep first. Tonight her choice was 27 Dresses, a chick flick of course.

Freddie picked next, and being the nub that he is; he chose Galaxy Wars.

By the end of the movie, despite the large amounts of sugar she had consumed; Carly was asleep. Freddie was looking at her like she was the most beautiful girl in the world, his arms around her protectively. I smiled, they were adorable together.

Spencer always liked to make us laugh, tonight was no exception. He chose Get Smart which certainly got us laughing. By this stage Freddie was usually dozing off, but he seemed relatively awake tonight. I felt a twinge of disappointment. These were the times Spencer and I would have our random yet meaningful chats. We would talk about absolutely everything and anything. We had no secrets or boundaries. I wondered how much of that had changed.

Get Smart ended and Freddie was asleep now. Instead of the usual horror movie I would put on, Spencer and I began to talk.

"So how does it feel to be 17?"

"Pretty good," I replied. "It means only one more year until I can legally choose what I want to do and where I want to do it. Because as much as I love my Mum; she's a terrible mother."

Spencer nodded.

"How's the art going?" I asked, having had enough of the 'deep' for now.

"Pretty good."

I laughed.

"I've made some new sculptures that are going in a community gallery. They're a bit different though. They have a bit more story, more thought put into them."

"Sounds really good."

"You'll have to come and have a look; I'm really proud of these ones."

"Of course Spence. I love your art."

He smiled at me; the emotion behind it was hard to read. But I loved that smile of his, it reminded me of a time that was simple and easy and safe.

We had been talking for a good 45 minutes; it was so easy to loose track of time with Spencer.

"Hey, it's nearly one. We should probably get to sleep," Spencer said.

We'd spent more time talking about my mum, and I was really too worked up to go to sleep. However, I nodded.

"Yeah. I guess."

"You ok Sam?"

"Of course."

I lay awake for hours before I finally managed to doze off.

(I should've said I hadn't been ok since he kissed me.)


End file.
